Monday, February 24, 2020

Monday Say


Cheer Up With Monday Say


How do you know when the stage is level ?
The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth

My wife once accused me of being immature
I told her to get out of my fort!
On the news....
In London, someone gets stabbed
every 52 seconds
Poor Bastard

-----------------------------------

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"




Pelosi Releases Limited-Edition Replica Of Dentures Worn During Trump Impeachment

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Nancy Pelosi has announced a new creative fundraiser for Dems in 2020: auctioning off limited-edition replicas of the dentures she wore during Trump's impeachment.

The dentures have Pelosi's signature emblazoned in gold across the gums. Only 300 sets were made, so you'll need to jump on this opportunity to get this coveted souvenir from Trump's somber impeachment ceremony.
The bidding starts at $1,000.00 per pair, with all proceeds going to help Dems campaign for The White House.  

Excited Democrats began bidding on the dentures, driving the price up into the tens of thousands of dollars immediately. 

"This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get a historic relic from this somber, very serious impeachment trial," Pelosi said in a speech, pulling back her lips to show the emblazoning on her official, original pair of historic dentures. "The plating on the signatures is authentic, 24K gold.

"You can even customize your dentures with "bling" like gold or silver teeth with messages like "ORANGE MAN BAD" or "IMPEACH 45."

The Speaker of the House also said that if you act fast, you'll get a collector's edition plate and coin absolutely free. You're also able to "buy it now" with financing options of just 30% of your income for the rest of your life.

Pelosi is also auctioning off a limited number of empty vodka bottles, the contents of which were consumed during the impeachment proceedings.


RonDoids

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