Monday, February 10, 2020

Dedicated to my wife of 52 years

Excerpted From TheList5213



Thanks to Al 
and 
congratulations 
for being together 
for 52 years



Humor 
Dedicate to my wife of 52 years



God's sense of humor:

When creating wives, God promised men and women that good and obedient spouses would be found in all corners of the world. And then He made the earth round.





Submitted by Mark Logan:



For our anniversary, Patty asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make the food right in front of you. So I took her to Subway and that's how the fight started.



I told Patty I wanted to be cremated. She made an appointment for Tuesday.



Patty says I have only two faults. I don't listen and some other crap she was rattling on about.



I just read a book on marriage that says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date. So after I take her out for dinner tonight, I'm dropping her off at her mother's house.



I discovered the secret to making Patty go Mmmmmmmmmmmm all night. Duct tape.



Then there was the time Patty texted me on a cold winter morning, "Windows frozen, won't open." I texted back, "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with a hammer." Ten minutes later, she texted back, "Computer really messed up now."







Submitted by J.T. Strong:


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 120 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale…and then the fight started.






Submitted by Don Mills:



Be careful what you ask for…

I asked Patty if I was the only one she had dated.

She said yes, all the others had been nines and tens.








Submitted by John Hudson:




Then there was the time we had a major tiff. Patty called her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."

Her mom responded, "No darling, Al must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you."



A man told his Rabbi, "I have a strong desire to live to eternity. What am I supposed to do?"

"Get married," replied the Rabbi.

"It's that simple? Would that allow me to live forever?"

"No, but the desire will disappear."



Why do women live a better, longer, and peaceful life, compared to men?

A wise philosopher replied, "Because women don't have a wife."








Submitted by Dave Harris:




A story from my Navy days…

I woke up up with a huge hangover after attending 'happy hour'. I am and was not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. I don't even remember how I got home. As bad as I was feeling, I wondered if he did something wrong.

I forced myself to open my eyes, and the first thing I see is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

I sat up and saw my uniform in front of me, all clean and pressed. I look around the room and see that It Is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

I took the aspirins, cringed when I saw a huge black eye staring back at me in the bathroom mirror.

Then I noticed a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from Patty in lipstick, "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Patty"

I stumbled to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. My son is also at the table, eating. I asked, "Alan... what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after midnight, somewhat inebriated and out of a bit incoherent. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the bathroom door."

Confused, I asked, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and

breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

Alan replied, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, 
I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table $239.99

Hot Breakfast $4.20

Two Aspirins $.38

Saying the right thing, at the right time… PRICELESS






Happy anniversary dear.

These are just jokes...now will you let me back in the house.





Al

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