Wednesday, December 18, 2019

TheList 5168




Leroy 
The 
Redneck 
Reindeer
Have a great week,


Al






The List 5168 TGB



To All,

I hope that you all had a great weekend. Only one more weekend until Christmas.



Today in Naval History

December 16



1821 Lt. Robert F. Stockton and Dr. Eli Ayers, a naval surgeon and member of American Colonizing Society, persuade a local African king to sell territory for a colony that becomes the Republic of Liberia.

1907 The Great White Fleet departs Hampton Roads, Va. to circumnavigate the world in 14 months, a journey of 43,000 miles that included 20 port calls across six continents. Fourteen thousand Sailors and Marines participated in the voyage, leaving a lasting legacy at home and abroad.



1922 Lt. Cmdr. Walter A. Edwards, commanding USS Bainbridge (DD 246), leads the rescue of 482 passengers from the burning French transport Vinh-Long by placing his destroyer in dangerous positions to ensure the passengers could disembark, despite a series of explosions. He later brings them to Constantinople. For his leadership and heroism, Edwards receives the Medal of Honor.



1944 USS Swordfish (SS 193) attacks a Japanese convoy south of Hainan Island and sinks Japanese army transport Atsutasan Maru.

1998 In Operation Desert Fox, Navy cruise missiles attack Iraq to degrade Saddam Husseins ability to make and use weapons of mass destruction.

2017 The Freedom variant littoral combat ship USS Little Rock (LCS 9) is commissioned in a ceremony at the Canalside waterfront in Buffalo, New York. It is the second warship named for the Arkansas state capital and is commissioned alongside the first USS Little Rock (CL 92), which serves as a museum at the Buffalo and Erie County Naval and Military Park.





Thanks to CHINFO



Executive Summary:

• Multiple outlets report that the Navy posthumously advanced Airman Mohammed S. Haitham and Airman Apprentice Cameron S. Walters, the two enlisted sailors killed at NAS Pensacola.

• Speaking at the Council on Foreign Relations on Friday, Secretary of Defense Mark Esper called for the expansion of programs training foreign nationals but stressed the importance of stricter vetting.

• Japanese outlet Nikkei Asian Review reports that China seeks to establish a base in Micronesia in order to counter the U.S. military presence in Guam.





2016 Today in History December 16



1431

Henry VI of England is crowned King of France.


1653

Oliver Cromwell takes on dictatorial powers with the title of "Lord Protector."


1773

To protest the tax on tea from England, a group of young Americans, disguised as Indians, throw chests of tea from British ships in Boston Harbor.


1835

A fire in New York City destroys property estimated to be worth $20,000,000. It lasts two days, ravages 17 blocks, and destroys 674 buildings including the Stock Exchange, Merchants' Exchange, Post Office, and the South Dutch Church.


1863

Confederate General Joseph Johnston takes command of the Army of Tennessee.


1864

Union forces under General George H. Thomas win the battle at Nashville, smashing an entire Confederate army.


1930

In Spain, a general strike is called in support of the revolution.


1939

The National Women's Party urges immediate congressional action on equal rights.


1940

British troops carry out an air raid on Italian Somalia.


1944

Germany mounts a major offensive in the Ardennes Forest in Belgium. As the center of the Allied line falls back, it creates a bulge, leading to the name--the Battle of the Bulge.


1949

Chinese Communist leader Mao Tse-tung is received at the Kremlin in Moscow.


1950

President Harry Truman declares a state of National Emergency as Chinese communists invade deeper into South Korea.


1976

President Jimmy Carter appoints Andrew Young as Ambassador to the United Nations.


1978

Cleveland becomes the first U.S. city to default since the depression.


1998

The United States launches a missile attack on Iraq for failing to comply with United Nations weapons inspectors.


2003

President George W. Bush signs the CAN-SPAM Act of 2003, which establishes the United States' first national standards regarding email and gives the Federal Trade Commission authority to enforce the act.




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Thanks to John

December 15

1842 - Execution of three crewmembers of USS Somers for mutiny; Midshipman

Philip Spencer, Boatswain Samuel Cromwell and Seaman Elisha Small.



If you did not know this, the Somers mutiny was actually the reason they started the Naval Academy.



http://remembertheintrepid.blogspot.com/2011/06/uss-somers-founding-of-naval-academy.html?m=1

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1773

December 16

The Boston Tea Party





In Boston Harbor, a group of Massachusetts colonists disguised as Mohawk Indians board three British tea ships and dump 342 chests of tea into the harbor.

The midnight raid, popularly known as the "Boston Tea Party," was in protest of the British Parliament's Tea Act of 1773, a bill designed to save the faltering East India Company by greatly lowering its tea tax and granting it a virtual monopoly on the American tea trade. The low tax allowed the East India Company to undercut even tea smuggled into America by Dutch traders, and many colonists viewed the act as another example of taxation tyranny.

When three tea ships, the Dartmouth, the Eleanor, and the Beaver, arrived in Boston Harbor, the colonists demanded that the tea be returned to England. After Massachusetts Governor Thomas Hutchinson refused, Patriot leader Samuel Adams organized the "tea party" with about 60 members of the Sons of Liberty, his underground resistance group. The British tea dumped in Boston Harbor on the night of December 16 was valued at some $18,000.

Parliament, outraged by the blatant destruction of British property, enacted the Coercive Acts, also known as the Intolerable Acts, in 1774. The Coercive Acts closed Boston to merchant shipping, established formal British military rule in Massachusetts, made British officials immune to criminal prosecution in America, and required colonists to quarter British troops. The colonists subsequently called the first Continental Congress to consider a united American resistance to the British.

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Thanks to Tom

Skip, you might want to show this one to the List, tho' you will find that while it acknowledges the four services it fails to do so for the Coast Guard. Tom

https://www.youtube.com/embed/im5Svpuj_eU?feature=player_detailpage

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Thanks to Clyde

Here is a great Merry Christmas card by Bill Barto –









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For yesterday, 15 December -

* Bill Bennett's The American Patriot's Daily Almanac



The Bill of Rights



During the battle to ratify the U.S. Constitution, many Americans worried that the founding document failed to list specific rights to be protected against abuse of power. Thomas Jefferson, who generally approved of the new Constitution, put voice to that view when he wrote to James Madison: "A bill of rights is what the people are entitled to against every government on earth . . . and what no just government should refuse." To gain support for the Constitution, Federalists agreed to add amendments protecting personal liberties.



Madison was one of those who had considered a list of protected rights unnecessary. He believed the Constitution, as written, gave the federal government no power to violate citizens' liberties. He also worried that listing specific rights might imply that the government could limit rights not listed. Nevertheless, when the First Congress met in New York in 1789, he set about crafting a set of amendments. "If we can make the Constitution better in the opinion of those who are opposed to it," he said, "without weakening its frame, or abridging its usefulness in the judgment of those who are attached to it, we act the part of wise and liberal men to make such alterations as shall produce the effect."



Madison and a few colleagues sifted through scores of proposed amendments and winnowed them down to a brief list, using the Virginia Declaration of Rights and other precedents as guides. Congress sent twelve amendments to the states for approval. Ten were eventually ratified. On December 15, 1791, Virginia became the last state needed for ratification, and the Bill of Rights went into effect. Those first ten amendments to the U.S. Constitution, preserving such cherished rights as freedom of speech, press, and religion, lie at the heart of Americans' faith in limited government and the rule of law.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

From http://www.usconstitution.net/first12.html =

"Congress of the United States begun and held at the City of New-York, on Wednesday the fourth of March, one thousand seven hundred and eighty nine.

The Conventions of a number of the States, having at the time of their adopting the Constitution, expressed a desire, in order to prevent misconstruction or abuse of its powers, that further declaratory and restrictive clauses should be added: And as extending the ground of public confidence in the Government, will best ensure the beneficent ends of its institution.

Resolved by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America, in Congress assembled, two thirds of both Houses concurring, that the following Articles be proposed to the Legislatures of the several States as amendments to the Constitution of the United States, all, or any of which articles, when ratified by three fourths of the said Legislatures, to be valid to all intents and purposes, as part of the said Constitution; viz.

Articles in addition to, and Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America, proposed by Congress and ratified by the Legislatures of the several States, pursuant to the fifth Article of the original Constitution.

Article the first ... After the first enumeration required by the first article of the Constitution, there shall be one Representative for every thirty thousand, until the number shall amount to one hundred, after which the proportion shall be so regulated by Congress, that there shall be not less than one hundred Representatives, nor less than one Representative for every forty thousand persons, until the number of Representatives shall amount to two hundred; after which the proportion shall be so regulated by Congress, that there shall not be less than two hundred Representatives, nor more than one Representative for every fifty thousand persons.

Article the second ... No law, varying the compensation for the services of the Senators and Representatives, shall take effect, until an election of Representatives shall have intervened.

Article the third ... Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Article the fourth ... A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Article the fifth ... No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

Article the sixth ... The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Article the seventh ... No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

Article the eighth ... In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defense.

Article the ninth ... In Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

Article the tenth ... Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

Article the eleventh ... The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

Article the twelfth ... The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

Frederick Augustus Muhlenberg, Speaker of the House
John Adams, Vice-President of the United States and President of the Senate

Attest John Beckley, Clerk of the House of Representatives
Sam. A. Otis Secretary of the Senate

End quote



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Thanks to Al

Monday Morning Humor--Getting Ready for Christmas

Holiday puns:

· Santa Claus slides down the chimney because it soots him.

· One young boy calls him Santa Cause because he heard there was Noel.

· Helpers at the North Pole are called subordinate clauses.

· You really need to get spruced up to sell Christmas trees.

· At this time of year, crossing a setter and a pointer gives you a pointsetter.

· Santa only swims at the North Pool.

· The Pole Vault is where Santa keeps all the presents.



Christmas was over. Santa and his reindeer finally had a chance to rest. And they deserved it. They had done a good job.

Rudolph had a chance to do something he had wanted to do for a long time. He made an appointment with a plastic surgeon because he was so sensitive about his looks.

However it wasn't his glowing probiscus that he wanted changed. He was proud of his nose and the help he had given Santa because of it. No, he was sensitive about his long ears which were much more prominent than the ears of the average reindeer, or bear for that matter.

So one week after Christmas, he let the good doctor do the pinna reconstructive surgery procedure, and since that time, January 1st has been celebrated as...New Ears Day.



Christmas groaners…

What do they call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses

Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most? Rude"olph

What do you call the fear of getting stuck while sliding down a chimney? Santa Claus-trophbia

What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish

What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper? Ribbonhood

Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.







You might be...

An engineer if you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys together.

A car racing fan if your Christmas list begins with another set of BFG R1s and Pauter rods and your "significant other" knows what they are.

A man if Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.







Submitted by Alan Krause Jr.:



Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always, MOM...!

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.







Submitted by Allan Anderson:



A blonde woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.







Submitted by Skip Leonard:



Captain Hawley, the interstellar trader, was mad. Madder than her humanoid crew had ever seen her. In all her years of trading, nothing like this had ever happened before. First, the hypercold storage on deck nine had failed allowing the swine destined for the miners on Deneeb III to emerge from cold sleep. The little porkers were eating her out of house and starship.

Second, she had promised her young nephew a Ferdinand Feghoot doll from Earth. Unfortunately, Hawley had arrived on Earth during Winter Solstice, the peak of the shopping season. She had beamed down to mall after mall with no success. The clerks had ignored her or treated her with utter disdain.

Starship captains do not make promises lightly, and Hawley was not happy at the prospect of disappointing her favorite nephew. What could Hawley do to punish these rotten mall owners for employing nasty clerks? And how could she dispose of her swine?

"I have it," Hawley exclaimed. Turning to her Transporter Engineer, she asked, "Can the teleport mechanism be modified to handle one million female pigs?"

Captain Hawley motioned the perplexed engineer closer and whispered into his center ear. Two of his eyes widened with horror at what she was suggesting while the other two narrowed in gleeful anticipation of a cosmic joke.

As the Transporter Engineer strode purposefully from the bridge, he could be heard singing, "Wreck the Malls with Sows of Hawley..."



Submitted by Mark Logan:



Christmas Carols for the Disturbed

Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

Dementia --- I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas

Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....

Paranoid --- Santa Claus Is Coming to Town to Get Me

Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent Night, holy oooh look at the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle



Christmas groaners…

What do they call Santa's helpers?

Subordinate Clauses

Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?

"Rude"olph

What do you call the fear of getting stuck while sliding down a chimney?

Santa Claus-trophbia

What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish

What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?

Ribbonhood

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?

Because he had low elf esteem.



Submitted by Chuck Kincade:



The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. this Christmas. This isn't for any religious constitutional reason. They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol.

There was no problem however finding enough asses to fill the stable.



Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "They're Carol's."



Submitted by several:



A Christmas cookie recipe worth your time...



1 cup of water

1 tsp baking soda

1 cup of sugar

1 tsp salt

1 cup of brown sugar

Lemon juice

4 large eggs

1 cup nuts

2 cups of dried fruit

1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequilla



Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup...just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off floor... Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS







Submitted by Diane Laos:



When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" I asked.

"Yes, "Chris said. "She's come to visit us for Christmas."

"How nice," I said. "Where does she live?"

"At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her."







Submitted by Matthew Krause:



If Santa answered his mail honestly...



Dear Santa

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell! Santa



Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's dating the babysitter. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your mom? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa



Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis

Dear Francis,

Who names their kid Francis, nowadays? I bet you're weird. Santa



Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love, Susan

Dear Susan,

I'm lactose intolerant and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch. Santa



Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time playing Texas Hold "Em. I unwind by drinking while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know. Santa



Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one? Timmy

Timmy,

That whiney begging act may work with your folks, but it doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa


Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky

Mark,

First, stop calling yourself Marky, that's why you're getting beat up at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent project. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams, Santa


Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? (ha-ha ) Santa


Submitted by Rob Hansen:


Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92 and Lena was 89. One evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers and Ole reached over and patted Lena on her knee. "Lena, vat ever happened tew our sex relations?" He asked.

"Vell, Ole, I yust don't know," replied Lena. "I don't tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas."

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