Friday, February 9, 2018

Excerpted From THE LIST# 4461 - Military - Sailor's Thoughts

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 Submitted by Rob Hansen:

Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, buddy.
Officer: That's no way to address an officer!  Now let's try it again.  Do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, SIR!

Submitted by Jim Weaver:

     A soldier stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off of the local women.
     The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen lesson and music books.
     Rotated back home, he rushed to their home and through the front door. "Oh darling" he gushed, "Come here...let me look at you...let me hold you! Let's have a fine dinner out, then be together all night. I've missed your lovin' so much!" 
     The wife, keeping her distance, said, "All in good time lover. First, let's hear you play that harmonica."

Submitted by Mark Logan:

Misunderstanding Military Terms
     One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language.  For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.  Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter.  Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.  The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.

Submitted by John Hudson:

A Sailor's Thoughts--Some random and rambling thoughts accumulated from various quarters over the year—a  bit of introspection.
A sailor will walk 10 miles in a freezing rain to get a beer but complain mightily about standing a four-hour watch on a beautiful, balmy spring  day.
A sailor will lie and cheat to get off the ship early and then will have no idea where he wants to go.
Sailors are territorial. They have their assigned spaces to clean and maintain.  Woe betide the shipmate who tracks through a freshly swabbed deck.
Sailors constantly complain about the food on the mess decks while concurrently going back for second or third helpings.
After a sea cruise, I realized how much I missed being at sea. We are now considering a Med cruise visiting some of my past favorite ports. Of course I'll have to pony up better than $5,000 for the privilege. To think, Uncle Sam actually had to pay me to visit those same ports.
You can spend two years on a ship and never visit every nook and cranny or even every major space aboard. Yet, you can know all your shipmates.
E5 is the almost perfect military pay grade. Too senior to catch the crap details, too junior to be blamed if things go awry.
Never be first, never be last and never volunteer for anything.
Contrary to popular belief, Chief Petty Officers do not walk on water. They walk just above it.
Sad but true, when visiting even the most exotic ports of call, some sailors only see the inside of the nearest pub.
A sailor can, and will, sleep anywhere, anytime.
Yes, it's true, it does flow downhill.
Most sailors won't disrespect a shipmate's mother. On the other hand, it's not entirely wise to tell them you have a good looking sister.
Sailors and Marines will generally fight one another, and fight together against all comers.
The guys who seemed to get away with doing the least, always seemed to be first in the pay line and the chow line.
General Quarters drills and the need to evacuate one's bowels often seem to coincide.
Speaking of which, when the need arises, the nearest head is always the one which is secured for cleaning.
Three people you never screw with: the doc, the paymaster and the ship's barber.
There are only two good ships: the one you came from and the one you're going 
Whites, coming from the cleaners, clean, pressed and starched, last that way about 30 microseconds after donning them. The Navy dress white uniform is a natural dirt magnet.
Skill, daring and science will always win out over horseshit, superstition and luck.
We train in peace so that in time of war the greater damage will be upon our enemies and not upon ourselves.
"Pride and professionalism" trumps "Fun and zest" any day.
Three biggest lies in the Navy: We're happy to be here; this is not an inspection; we're here to help.
Rule 1: The Captain is always right. Rule 2: When in doubt refer to Rule 1.
A guy who doesn't share a care package from home is no shipmate.
When transiting the ocean, the ship's chronometer is always advanced at 0200 which makes for a short night. When going in the opposite direction, the chronometer is retarded at 1400 which extends the work day.
If I had to do it all over again, I would. Twice.
Good shipmates are friends forever

A special debt of gratitude to those men and women who are serving honorably in our Armed Forces.  Similar thanks to those who have served.

Have a great week,

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